so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
