So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
