Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
