sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
