i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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