can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
