someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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