New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
