my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
