He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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