some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
