You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
