his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
