Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
