i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
