Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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