if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize