You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just threw up on my dentist
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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