So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
