Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
