so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
