I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
