..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
