Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's get the cat blown out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
