You can't special order awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
