Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
