Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
