he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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