I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
