you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
