I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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