There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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