Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
