piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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