how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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