No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
