I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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