If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sober January is a disaster.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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