i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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