i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
