I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
