the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
