I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
