I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
