Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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