you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
