Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
