Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
