his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
