He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
