then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
