have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
